Relationships have always been a central part of our existence. As a species we value being loved and giving love in return, but sadly not all relationships are meant to be. If a trickle of doubt has brought you here today but you are unable to make a decision, or perhaps you are worried for another couple who may be going through some turmoil that seems never-ending, here are some signs that it may be time to move on.
Your Needs Aren't Being Met
This is an important thing in a healthy relationship because without it, things begin to spiral very quickly. If your needs are not met, you will feel unloved and unappreciated, which in turn leads to feelings of anger or resentment of your lover and even upon yourself if you self-esteem is knocked back. Many sufferers of not having their needs met tend to have less self-importance or confidence than a typical person, as those who are more strong-willed find it easier to notice when they are being neglected in this way. It isn't uncommon for the less-confident in a relationship to downplay their own needs in order to focus on the needs of their partner whom may make them feel like they no longer matter as much as themselves. In most cases, this isn't a clear cut break for a relationship as many couples have been through the phase of feeling unloved and a quick conversation about this can fix things, so feeling this way doesn't mean it's the end of the road, only that some obstacles in the way need to be spoken about. Communication is key when you feel this way, by the reaction of your partner, you can tell how receptive they are and how likely it is they will make the effort. If you are shut down or your other half remains distant, it's probably time to move on.
You Are Seeking Those Needs From Other People
This doesn't necessarily mean cheating on your partner, but using friends, family or pets to get that affection and reassurance you are so desperately needing. A sense of belonging is an instinct felt by many in the animal kingdom, including humans, we want to feel safe and secure, and if you are having to go elsewhere for these kind of feelings, it may be worth taking a look at what is going wrong in the relationship. If you successfully find your needs are being met by other people, it will make the fight for your relationship to become happier and healthier less important as motivation is no longer needed - you have gained what you wanted, just not in the way you wanted it. In some ways, having your needs met by other people is a beneficial process to be able to see that perhaps the relationship isn't all that you thought it would be, any close friends and family members will be able to notice your behaviour and may even offer advice on what to do next.
You're Scared To Be Honest With Your Partner About How You Feel
If you have concerns and your partner truly loves you, bringing up these concerns should be no more than a mild inconvenience. If you are dreading the conversation and fearing how they will react, this may be a red flag. When problems are left to fester, they will grow, mostly in your own mind until when it is finally brought up in conversation, you are filled with such anger or hatred that it becomes a bigger issue that it initially was. A worthy partner will always want to solve issues as quickly and as honestly as possible, true love is all about being an open book and being able to be unapologetically you. It is always beneficial to catch problems early, but if you find yourself dreading the conversation to come or you have both begun avoiding strategies because it will cause inevitable conflict, the relationship may not be a healthy one.
Friends and Family Are Against The Relationship
As much as friends and family giving their opinion on a relationship is controversial and may have a number of motives, if there is an outstanding majority who believe you are not right for each other, they may be right. I believe it is important that our loved ones appreciate our significant others', and if they don't, it may be worth having a sit-down conversation about their concerns. If anyone is going to be completely and openly honest, it's those closest to us. Typical red flags when it comes to family and friends are that it seems that all your time is spent with your partner, and you are beginning to see less and
less of them, this is one of the early signs of someone with a possessive nature, which can quickly snowball into issues that are much more serious. Remember that our loved ones will always be there for us, no matter what hardship falls on the relationship.
You Feel Trapped
Many aspects of our lives can make us feel trapped, whether it's a job you feel you can't progress in or an awkward situation with a friend that seems to never end, but it's good to know that most if not all of these situations
can be solved. If you are feeling trapped in a romantic relationship, it's time to make a decision. Whether your partner is being visibly obstructive (locking you in the house, asking where you are at all times, etc.) or you get the nervy, guilty feeling every time you leave the house, it should raise some questions. It is abnormal behaviour for a partner to feel obsessive to the point of making you feel uncomfortable, or like you have no other choice than to comply, even if they insist that everything is fine. These feelings alone should be enough to really think about what you want from the relationship or if it's even worth staying in. This is tell-tale behaviour of a jealous and manipulative individual. Thankfully this isn't the end of the road for you, if you are able to spot this behaviour, there is always the choice to leave. No matter what guilt-provoking stories they tell you, ultimately if you are unhappy, you are in control of your own choices and freedoms - sometimes we have to make tricky decisions and we know deep down it's for the best.
You Discuss Change, But It Never Happens
If you have already been courageous enough to communicate your problems, great! Unfortunately, not everyone is particularly receptive to these and those who have no real motivation to change their ways will just brush it off like the conversation never happened. The problem with this is that a conversation about a relationship and its future is not a one-and-done event; the main conversation happens, but it's always beneficial to keep tabs with each other to see how you are feeling and what more can be done. Someone who gives false promises is likely to be a frequent liar, something that nobody would be truly happy with. Those who love you will acknowledge your thoughts and feelings, and not only promise change, but make an active effort to change. It may be impossible to completely change a person, but the act of trying is enough to make someone feel loved and listened to. So, even if your partner doesn't get there first time - if the effort is there, keeping pressing forward!
You Are Told That You Are The Problem
It's easy to shift the blame, isn't it? It's also easy to just take that comment with the tiniest pinch of salt and forget it ever happened... If this is what you have been told, it's important to stand up and find out exactly what is meant by this. In most cases, this is simply a throwaway comment to guilty-trip the other person into feeling like the failures of the relationship (and sometimes even outside of that) are entirely on their shoulders. By talking through your other half's problems which they are 'blaming' you for and offering reassurance, it should trigger an emotional response and an apology. If they are still insistent that you are to blame, be wary, as this is a sign you are in a relationship with a toxic person. Those that tend to use this tactic are master-manipulators and they can easily create an argument out of something that happened well over a year ago
just to make you feel bad about yourself. Although this may not be a relationship-breaker, it is definitely worth having a think over - toxic people are not the best type of people to fall in love with, so contacting a therapist to speak with you both should always be an option.
There Are Clear Trust Issues
Everyone has uncertainty when it comes to trust, this is completely normal. What isn't normal is when it becomes an obvious daily chore to have a conversation or discuss plans without a barrage of questions coming your way. It's not always clear when trust issues begin, but nearly everyone can admit it's a gut feeling. As much as we are told to 'listen to your gut', it isn't always the right way to go, particular when trust issues are involved. In most cases, there has been no breakdown of trust in a relationship at all, just the fear or paranoia that something is happening which comes from within rather than evidenced by an actual event. If your partner rarely opens up to you and avoids meaningful conversations, it's likely that they have a trust issue, whether it is them that is up to no-good or you that they believe they can't trust, it is a tricky obstacle to solve, but once it begins, the results can make a relationship stronger than it ever was. Trust works two ways, try giving your significant other more space, don't ask what they're doing or where they're going, talk them them about your day openly, even add in extra details if you want to. Giving more of your trust to the other person can sometimes be enough to get a response and re-establish that bond!
Jealousy and Anger Are Manifesting Physically
Jealousy is a catalyst for much larger problems, it begins with resentment and ends with seething anger, usually directed at you. When someone feels jealous and resentment at the same time, these are two very strong emotions that can cause an angry reaction at any time, making the person highly reactive and unpredictable. Everyone feels jealous at some point, I know I have! It becomes unhealthy when it is an obvious pillar in your relationship and although it can only start as verbal conflict, it can quickly turn physical. The reason jealousy can make a person react in this way is because they feel threatened, whether they are nervous you will realise how much better you can do with somebody else, or are afraid they are being pushed out of a family gathering, they will try to worm their way in to every aspect of your life in order to gain that control. Jealous relationships can easily become abusive ones and if you are suffering, it's time to walk away.
There Is Abuse In The Relationship
Following on from my last point, if there is any type of abuse in the relationship, from emotional to physical - it is important to seek help right away. Abuse is not always physical, it can simply be arguments that are consistent and are never allowed to be forgotten, or spoken attempts to frighten or threaten you. Abusers have a need for control and will try and isolate you from your loved ones in order to gain that control, they will promise to change but this never happens. It may be hard to recognise if you are in an abusive relationship because they will most certainly downplay it or even blame you for suggesting it, so getting advice from authority or even being honest with trusted friends and family members is the way to go. Nobody deserves to feel afraid or experience abuse at the hands of another person.
You Are Unable To Be Your True Self
For someone who has a good sense of who they are, this will be an easy realisation. For those who are still struggling, it may be a little more difficult. Being your true self is all about authenticity, honesty and being able to express yourself as freely as you can and sticking to your morals and values. If you don't feel you can do any of those things in your relationship, it may not be a good one. Being true to yourself can be controversial, feelings will get hurt and others may react differently to you. As long as being yourself is beneficial to you, someone who loves you should support it, even if they don't completely agree with your values. They say that finding you true self can make you more vulnerable, but I don't think so. What greater feeling is there than being absolutely, unapologetically you!
You Have Different Values
Being different is all part of life, but being a relationship can be challenging with these differences. Most couples are able to talk about their differences and move on, but when they involve serious topics surrounding the law or priorities, it may be time to have a think about the future of the relationship. The most common obstacle here is the choice of getting married or having children, if one person is keen and one isn't, it can make the relationship challenging, as the prospects are so very different. Talking things through should open up conversation and even other options can be discussed for a compromise. Values are not always about the future however, our values are key to determining the difference between right and wrong, the opinions you have and they way you behave. Someone with wildly different values to you may not be a good fit, arguments may be common and it may be difficult to maintain a conflict-free environment.
You No Longer See A Future Together
If you are putting in all of the effort and your partner is not, it's a clear sign that there is no future in the relationship anymore. Whether recent, or months previously, somewhere along the line the love has been lost and the relationship has become stagnant, meaning even if you did stay together for years to come, there would never be any progress. A person who wants a future with you will always go above and beyond to make you feel special - so if that is lacking, it's worth having time apart to decide how you want to proceed. Pushing it to one side in the long-term is not only detrimental to your partner, but it begins to limit your options too, so try to make an informed decision when you can. It's a difficult conversation, but one that has to be had.
You Are Genuinely Considering Leaving Your Partner
Seeing as you're here today, that alone should raise some questions. It shouldn't be a swift decision, but based off of everything you've read so far, you should be able to gauge nicely how healthy your relationship is at the moment. If this is swirling around your mind, it seems that a conversation needs to be had as just the two of you, nobody else should be involved in such a private matter. Sometimes we just feel a little overwhelmed by it all, and that doesn't necessarily mean it's time to say goodbye, but if you've found yourself relating to a lot of the information given in the rest of the post, discuss this with them. However, if they are known to lash out or be abusive, make sure the discussion is made in a safe place, whether this be in public or over the phone. Making a decision to leave a relationship you're no longer happy in is one of the most empowering things we can do, so if you are successful in making that difficult choice, the world is now your oyster!
You No Longer Like Yourself
We all talk about the importance of loving ourselves, but what happens when it seems like nobody does? See a relationship with yourself as much like a relationship with someone else, if you are told time and time again how terrible someone is, even if you've never met them, you begin to believe it. Being in a toxic relationship with someone who puts you down or forces you to change your ways regularly may lead to you feeling this way - you should never have to have a complete personality overhaul for another person. It's scientifically proven that is is difficult to be truly happy unless you like who you are, and it's not hard to see why, we only have one body in this life, so we need to make the most of it! If you're feeling a bit rubbish about who you are and are finding yourself missing who you once were, your relationship may be to blame here. You are worthy of finding happiness and deserve to fall in love with yourself again!
Effort From Both Sides Is Lacking
As much as everyone wishes we had the happy-ever-after, sometimes this isn't always possible, particularly when effort in maintaining the relationship is gone and forgotten. A one-sided relationship is unequal and manipulative, a no-sided relationship is one not worth saving, particularly if there is no communication, attention or respect. A great deal of effort for keeping a relationship healthy is motivation that you want this person in your life for as long as possible, and if that motivation disappears, it's hard to come back from it as relationships can't blossom without the balance of two people. If you feel that there is hope for the relationship, try prioritising it for a few days. Book the week off, take the trip you've been waiting for, paint the shed you promised to a few months ago or enjoy just the intimacy of one another, make a dedicated effort to make each other happy just for that short amount of time and see how things go!
