Dealing With The Loss Of A Loved One...

Dealing With Death

Sadly everyone goes through a time where they lose a friend, family member, or a pet which they cherish with every inch of their being. Unfortunately, as much as it comes with living, it still hits us pretty hard. I've had plenty of experiences of loss myself, losing both of my grandfathers before my eighteenth birthday. I'd like to say I've coped pretty well by doing my own method, but I'm not here to press my preferences on to you, I'll list below a few avenues you can take to coping with loss.

★ Everyone deals with death in a different way, and there is no right or wrong way.

★ Open up and talk about it when you feel ready.

★ Let yourself be upset, it's natural to feel this way.

★ Allow your friends to help and support you, the last thing you want to push them away, trust me.

★ Whatever has happened is not your fault in any way at all.

★ Don't lose who you are, nor turn to bad habits such as smoking and drinking alcohol if it isn't something you'd usually do.

★ Pamper yourself while you're grieving, book a holiday away or experience something you've always wanted to but never did.

★ Most importantly, do what you love.

While the feelings are still raw, you will struggle to cope, and some say that they feel life isn't worth living. This is completely untrue. Many ask the question "how long does grief last?" and there is no real defining answer to this. It depends wholly on the person and how well you deal this level of change. As a friend helping someone to grieve, the best approach is to make sure that you are there to support them at all times. They may see grieving as a weakness, but remind them constantly that this isn't the case and that they are expected to feel this way. In a time of need, friends are exactly the cure for any level of upset.

If you are really struggling to the point of it affecting your daily life, that may be a signal that you may need help from outer sources, such as counselling or mentoring. Both are equally as effective and are brilliant for giving everything a positive light and most importantly hope for the future. Sometimes talking is the best method of dealing with any sort of upset, and it's definitely a tactic I personally use for any situation, which is why counselling is such an effective method of getting over the worst of the bereavement process.

If you find that you are more of a solitary person who wouldn't benefit from talking therapy, then turn to focusing on yourself. Get plenty of sleep and eat as healthy as you can - both contribute to a healthier mind, which helps keep you in good spirits. Avoid "pain numbing" methods such as drinking too much alcohol, as these only benefit you in the short-term rather than helping you well into the future. Suppressing your feelings isn't a good idea either, everyone gets to a certain point before they explode, and that never ends well, it isn't worth the pain of holding it in, just to hit rock bottom. Release a little sadness every day, and you will be giving your mind time to mend whilst getting some weight lifted from your shoulders. Be aware that the consequences of suppressing can involve the development of anxiety, depression or severe anger and violence-related issues.

Getting Back To Normal After Loss

The best advice I can give is to do things when you are ready, if you need time off work to recuperate, then do it. Take each day as it comes, time really does heal everything, be patient, you're doing incredibly. If you are a friend of someone who is grieving, never avoid them because of it. Leaving them be for the first few days is a good idea, though if they need more time, be patient. When they seem ready, it is worth approaching them to offer support just so they know you're there for them. It seems very hurtful to avoid them and only adds to the bereavement as they will already feel very lonely in such instances. Sending a text message or email, though it lacks that personal touch is still perfectly acceptable, and if anything, more effective when telling if the person affected is ready or not. Texts can be replied to when they feel ready and that's the thumbs up for you to lend a hand into helping them move on. 

Losing a loved one is one of life's biggest challenges, there's no doubt about that, but you can overcome absolutely anything you put your mind to. So love with all your heart, help those in need and be true to you.